I'm still alive

Right now I am just trying to get through all my doctor's visits to finally get some kind of treatment for my problem that I have written about before. As it turns out, yes , I do have a fibroid tumor. The doctor told me that it was not small and that it was located in an area of my uterus that could cause a lot of problems. Because this fibroid actually causes digestive problems such as gas and bloating (creating an oversized uterus that is pressing against the bowels) and bladder incontinence (again the same except pressing against the bladder), I wonder if it is causing the problem with acid reflux. It would make sense. Still diet does help, as I have discovered in the past. All the symptons, in some respects, of pregnancy but none of the benefits (such as baby). I am not sure what treatment I will choose. As much as I just want a hysterectomy to get things over with, I cannot afford the 6 weeks off work. And I am self paying, I don't have insurance.

But I am so off track. A. and I are discussing Atkins and she is interested in starting atkins again, which means, if she does it, it will be easier for me to get back on track. Unfortunately I have gained most of my weight back. Still, from my research, I truly believe that if I get this problem taken care of, get my blood hemoglobin back up (get rid of my anemia) I could lose more weight faster. I cannot prove this, but soome of my research on anemia seems to indicate to me that anemia can affect your metabolism because of lack of oxygen to the cells, just as it can affect your heart and brain for the same reasons. I see so many people with so many problems, being diagnosed with all kinds of things because of lack of energy, etc. I wonder if it isn't really some kind of anemia. Anemia could be an easy condition being masked by other conditions and vice versa--and unless you have a similar problem to mine, it would be easy for the doctors to diagnose you with something other than anemia.
Anemia has to be one of the cheapest problems to fix. Supplements are inexpensive and combined with certain dietary changes, you should be able to help yourself. Of course, this isn't what the pharms would like nor the doctors who benefit. But that is it. The next time you go to the doctor, have him do a simple cheap finger prick to check for anemia. I wonder if there aren't alot more people out there who have this that are being treated for other conditions that are really just anemia because the pharms and doctors need to make a profit. I had found a nice website with some good info but I can no longer find it. I will post the link here when I find it again.

I know... I know

Yes, it has been awhile. Oh, there is so much I can talk about, but I must confess that I will have to start all over with the lowcarb thing. It is the only right diet that I have found for me--and lots of reasons why. I have talked about this before, but here is something that I knew but forgot about: heartburn or whatever you want to call it. While low carb dieting, I never have this problem (I think everyone but me calls it acid reflux), but if I am eating bread and rice and potatoes, etc., I have to deal with it every night. And it is never noncarb veggies or protein--it is high carb foods. I am bad and I have to confess I am off track.

However, sometimes, I get these great insights, such as why is the whole "good carb: "bad carb" thing such a bunch of baloney? Carbohydrates are far more complicated than: an apple is a fruit and therefore a complex carb and a good carb, whereas a donut is a simple carb and is therefore bad. Believe it or not, some vegetables have few if any carbs: see Dr. Atkins's lists. I really think that 99% of the stuff you see on tv ("just eat a balanced diet...." "just eat low fat this that or the other...." etc) is B S. The whole thing is that eating meat is evil. It all boils down to that and that is BS too. Actually, I think there is something to the eating animal fat that is actually probably good for us that the secret undercover PETA reps don't want us to know. Not to mention the truth that a diet high in carbs leaves you fat, lazy, and complacent. A. and I figured this out from what we feed our cats. KitKat, our youngest, is the fattest and laziest of our cats. When fed on a high moisture, high protein canned cat food diet where the primary ingredient is animal products (meat, real meat), she is wired up and alert, ready for action. If fed on a dry food diet (and dry cat foods are full of carbs primarily in the form of cornmeal), she sleeps all the time, gets fat, and is constantly whining for her dish to be filled. It makes me wonder about 3rd world countries where the primary source of nutrition is a high carbs diet, consisting of small amounts of protein and huge amounts of rice. Personally I don't want to live as if in a third world country. I find nothing particularly spirtually edifying about poverty--maybe all those environmentalists and anti capitalists, socialists, and leftists do, but I don't. I do not want to eat like I am living in a third world country either. Let the above mentioned groups go there and do just that.

Well, a trip to a doctor for a pap smear has revealed that I have iron-deficient anemia due to so much blood loss. I have written about the problem that causes this situation before: menorraghia. Another reason to get rid of that problem. One of the best things to help this form of anemia: meat. Granted liver and organ meats are the best but these are the very things I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I have never had kidney, but I have no desire to either. I am not as openminded as I was as a kid. I hated liver then, too, so I don't think anything would have changed, except that I would not be afraid to vomit if I found the taste disgusting. But I could eat extra beef and yes, I like beef. Cows good. Cows good dinner. Yummy!!!!

Getting on track

I don't know if it were really worth it to me to resort to going back to normal, everyday eating habits. I won't have this job for much longer, my boss simply hates me. See, there's a good lesson about not conforming in order to succeed. Never give up what is right or what is right for you to come down to someone else's level in order to fit in. I don't fit in here either, and my job is really on the line. I think she has an interview for my position on her calendar for this week too. But I'm glad. I am a paralegal, not an administrative assistant, and the job is actually pretty boring. But I'm not the kind who cuts and runs: "they have to throw me out first." That means letting myself get canned. I am not comfortable with this boss--I feel as if I am walking on eggshells all the time, which makes the job more stressful than it ought to be. She assumes that I can read minds: if I have to ask a question, I get a horrible belittling. If I don't ask the question, try to read her mind as to what she wants, then it is always wrong, no matter what decision I make. She has been in her position as program director for so long (not such a big deal, this is a three "woman" office ), that she has little clue as to what it is like to be in my position or how long things actually take to complete. She's been earning a large enough salary for so long, that she doesn't understand what it is like to not be able to afford things--like a good car. One day, I had to run some things over to her house (in one of Dayton's nicest neighborhoods at that), and my car (which needed work on its waterpump) was running just a tad hot and you could smell it. She had the nerve to criticize my car. Well, being concerned about keeping my job, I had my daughter and her boyfriend work on it as soon as they could. That meant being out in the freezing cold for several hours. Actually, my daughter and her boyfriend, out of concern for me, chose to do that and on that weekend. But still............. My health means more to me than that. I shouldn't have to give up a lifestyle that works for me, and that was on the verge of being successful.

Yes, I am really being bad

Until, I can get back into the low carb groove of things, I think I will have a few blowouts of some of my favorite foods--chinese, thai, indian, etc., etc. LIke I stated before, I haven't actually gained any of my weight back, I just feel a little unenergetic and "weighed down". I think white flour products do that too me.

I don't want to sound hypocritical here. I don't want people who love their white bread, etc., to feel bad about eating it. I think people should eat however they choose. Just that for me, eating a lot of white flour products leaves me feeling yuccky. But that is just me. I find that low carbing is the best: I get to eat meat without feeling guilty, get to use real cream, real whipped cream (hey, little girl would you like some coffee with that whipped cream), real butter--Atkins rules for a reason. And yes, I actually eat more vegetables on Atkins than I would if I were doing low fat. In fact, I can state unequivocably (because I do this now), that the broccoli, cauliflower, celery, and spinach in my fridge would be turning every nasty color and smelling quite badly by now if I were doing low fat: it leaves me too hungry. Low carbing doesn't. Yes, I get hungry but not in the way that sends me careening to the cookie jar. People have this mistaken notion that since we eat more protein on a low carb diet, that we don't eat any veggies, which then, gives the low fat religionists smug moral superiority. The truth is, we eat veggies--lots of veggies, except the really starchy ones like potatoes. And eventually, once we are ready for maintenance, we can do the occasional potato. As I have said before, for most people, the only real veggie is the potato. But that isn't correct for us on Atkins. I think there is a deliberate attempt to deceive the public about nutrition.

Back in the 70's when I was a young girl, before the low fat religion was born, it was commonly accepted that protein is what helps you get slim. I've even read comments by rock climbers, people who eat loads of carbs, that the reason for doing so, is to help them develop layers of fat that can be life saving in the event of a fall. Other extreme athletes carbo load for quick energy for while they are participating in sports that require those bursts. The same does not work for me. Then there is all this talk about "complex carbs" and "simple carbs". The powers that be would have you believe that white bread is a simple carb, whereas an apple is a complex carb. IT is not that simple. And lets face it, some veggies like broccoli, salad greens, caulflower, asparagus--actually have little or no carbohydrate content whatsoever. Yet you would be left to believe that these are complex carbs. Yes, someone wants you fat, complacent, lazy, and ultimatly sick. Whether this is to create a dependence on government for health care, I don't know although I think things are going in this direction. Still, people know what works for them and what does not. It is not up to the powers that be to tell people what they should eat. Decide that for yourself and how you will deal with whatever consequences.

Confession

Yeah, I am off the wagon, so to speak. I have been eating "regular"--and not low carb. I know I am not losing weight right now, but my clothes aren't any tighter. Still, everything I thought about eating the "normal" American diet, full of carbs, is true. The bitter biting hunger has returned which leads to eating even worse. Still, I see some permanent changes are still in place--I still don't eat as much--I no longer gorge myself. But I do not know how long this will last.

It will be hard because A. isn't low carbing. She's not gaining weight, in fact, losing a little, but she is eating a diet very high in carbs. Oh well, gotta keep trying. I am planning to get back to where I need to be within the next week. I have already stocked up on eggs. When I get paid, I will go low carb shopping.

197 lbs in spite of myself

Yes, I made it to 197, in spite of the fact that I haven't been low carbing like I should. I think, though, that my desire to keep losing weight is forcing me to strategize, which is probably a good thing. I am not letting things get out of control, which is easy to do. The key, once you take off the weight, is probably to develop strategies to at least maintain your desired weight, while living and enjoying life. And, let's face it, food is part of enjoying life. I'm so sick of these fringe groups trying to tell us or to guilt trip us into eating what they think we should eat. I mean the far out tofu protein only groups, PETA, organic foods groups, etc. If you really love tofu and that is part of enjoying life, go for it. But don't push it on me. Tofu is full of estrogen and would actually be bad for me. Besides, enjoying life means some thing like a big juicy steak and a rich chocolate dessert to me. I'm sick of food guilt. I will renew my committment to the only diet that has ever worked for me: Atkins (which is really a diet about enjoying life). No guilt about steak there.

Blahhhhhhhh!!!!

I feel like hell today. I am feeling bloated and disgusted. I know part of the reason why I am feeling this bloating but I wonder if I had stuck to very very low carb, I would be having this problem. This is what a "normal" diet does for me, only now that I have felt what it feels like to feel good, I recognize the difference. This week was pretty bad in that I ate regular sandwiches on white bread as I would have if I were not doing low carb. I also ate candy, sugar candy. Not good. Dr. Atkins sure knew what he was doing. God bless him!!!!!

Watched a DVD of a tv series by Penn & Teller called "Bulls**t", it was pretty good except that they had an episode on dieting, and I agreed with most of it, except when they mentioned the Atkins diet. Still, the mention was brief, and misguided, misinformed, and actually an underhanded compliment: the complaint was that instead of burning carbs for energy, you burn fat. Isn't that the idea behind all the exercise gadgets, low fat diets, etc.? It is an underhanded compliment, because they don't seem to realize that is desireable. Still the rest of it was quite informative. Like all those supplements, gadgets, videos that are being advertised as the cure all for weightloss. Guess what the company does: they seek out athletes who have been injured and out of practice. Guess what happens while they are recuperating from their injuries? They put on fat like you would not believe. The company gets a before pic, then later after the athlete recuperates, they get another and use it. Voila! I used to weigh this much but now thanks to using this product, I look like this and weigh this.

I personally always believed that in aerobic exercise videos that everyone there went from one exercise class to another for several hours a day, 5 days a week. I wouldn't be surprised if that or something like it were the case.

I am one of those people who cannot have large amounts of carbs. I must understand that.

198 lbs

Just so that I don't start gaining again, I did lose another lb. Yes, I am at 198. But right now I am on a slippery slope, not making the best food choices as I was before. I am not out walking, except that at work, I will go out and walk down to the courts if need be. I will be okay, I just need to make sure I have control. I find myself finding it very difficult to cook any other way than low carb. My poor daughter. Sometimes low carb and low fat aren't that different. A few adjustments, and voila. It can be done. Still, I have some work to do, with this. I am not out of danger and run the risk of going back to choosing junk over real food.